End of 2013 blog, 9 months in a new land

It has been 9 months since I arrived here to start my new life. I have already documented some of the things that have happened or occurred to me during the intervening months, and have to the amusement of some, but not others, bemoaned the state of the vehicles and drivers and riders here. With the exception of a brief mention, this topic will not feature heavily in this end of 2013 blog post.
What I am intending to do here, is to elaborate some more on the things that I have observed, both good and bad, in a way that does not offend anyone and hopefully brings a smile to their faces “Ah, yes, I remember that” and so on. To encourage me to be less wordy, I am going to bullet point this blog, rather than using free text as much as I might normally. I shall start with an update of progress on the most important matters, residency visa and our new house.

·      It took a while to sell my flat back in the UK, around 8 months. I now have the funds to enable us to buy the land and to engage the contractor to build our house.

·      Kat and I met with the architect and after several discussions we came up with a modification to the standard design the developer was using to give us a lot more space and a master bedroom with en-suite bathroom.

·      Building permits have now been applied for and the first stage of the ground works has commenced.

·      In the meantime, we have been waiting for the arrival of some documents to be submitted in support of my residency application. Sadly, the rules seem to have changed, or at least the enforcement has, and we now needed some additional paperwork:

o   We obtained the new documents, one from the police here and one from the UK police to state that I have no criminal record or pending prosecutions.

o   Kat and I took these to the Bureau of Immigration, only to be informed that the UK document was not acceptable without validation, so we have now applied for that to be done

o   The first available appointment at the British Embassy for the first part of the validation is February 2014!!

o   My current visa expires end of March 2014

·      I have also been able to buy a car; well it’s a bit bigger than that, a crossover SUV. I like it as it gives us road presence, however it uses almost twice as much fuel as Kat’s Suzuki, ho hum….

·      Being married to a doctor conveys a number of benefits and also a number of drawbacks

o   We are respected by many of the people we meet because of Kat’s position in society, helping others when they are sick

§  Helping others often means phone calls or text messages in the middle of the night, which require answers and sometimes wakes both of us

§  When patients have been admitted, rounds need to be done to manage their care, every day until discharge!

o   My boredom threshold has risen immensely over the past few months;

§  I get to read a lot

§  I spend a lot of time waiting around during clinics and rounds visits when I have nothing much to do

o   I love seeing her interact with the patients and their parents

§  I spend a lot of time in waiting rooms with sick kids!

o   We get to go to a lot of social events, product presentations and conventions

§  I am surprised I have lost any weight, there is always food at these things

§  I am a bit of a spare part at these things, at least I get to go shopping and drink coffee in Starbucks!

o   I have been inoculated against a whole host of diseases including Hepa A, Hep B, flu, typhoid and varicella

§  Jabs hurt

§  I occasionally get to give them back to Kat!!

·      In the 9 months of living here, I have managed to loose around 7kg in weight, this is not due to a successful diet, but is most likely down to a dramatic reduction in the quantity of beer I was drinking. I normally have something like 4 to 6 small cans or bottles a week now, I used to do that in pints on a single evening back in the UK, especially Fridays!!

o   I still have small moobs, as we discovered when I tried on a t-shirt the other day

·      I have not yet been diving since I arrived. Complex reasons but very sad as we are in the Coral Triangle, must do better next year; whale sharks maybe in the spring.

·      I still don’t have a proper tan, but am a bit browner than when I left the UK, at least on my head and arms.

·      The Philippines, in common with the remainder of the tropics, is a hostile environment to live and work; the temperature and the humidity make the majority of physical tasks seem doubly hard, at least to a westerner brought up in a temperate climate. I need to take a rest about every 30 minutes or so even when carrying out light work such as sweeping up leaves.

·      Filipinos are tremendously hospitable, generous to a fault, offering refreshments and the best chair in the house to visiting guests; makes one feel so very welcome.

·      Filipinos love bling, even more than perhaps rap stars. You can see this love reflected, literally, on their cars; which have chrome plated accents and garnishes all over the place. These can be as varied as light surrounds, fuel tank covers, chromed exhaust tips and of course the wide, over diameter wheels, where would we be without them!

·      For some bizarre reason, owners of many SUVs here also have roof racks fitted, Thule being a favourite, however none of them seem to be used!

·      Those drivers and riders that make use of lights when driving often have many scattered about the place (think Fast and Furious 2 on steroids) with LEDs glowing in the most unlikely of locations.

·      Every Filipino I have had the pleasure of meeting seems to know one of the others I have already met, which is spooky, or have seen my photo on Facebook, maybe that tells me something about my public profile, I have even been stopped at the bank by a distant relative of Kat’s.

o   The whole society seems to run on an extended set of networks.

o   Each Filipino is the centre of a complex Venn diagram of social, educational, work and family circles, this is especially important for those working away from home or who have emigrated to other countries.

o   Some of these network connections are used for support in times of need, e.g. the family and close friends at times of illness, accident, and natural disaster and also happier times such as births, weddings and christenings etc.

o   Others are made use of to expedite matters such as permits, licences and contracts etc.

·      The Philippines as a society seems to me to be rigidly bound by a seemingly inordinate number of rules, procedures and regulations. Whilst this is not unusual, the fact that some rules seem to confound others and common sense makes life more entertaining, especially the way the population navigates normal day-to-day interactions.

o   Some of these rules are too important to ignore and are followed by almost everyone, but there is always an exception

o   Some rules, whilst important, and to me seemingly sensible are ignored by nearly everyone, including the police and other enforcement agencies e.g. functioning lights on vehicles, the wearing of crash helmets on motor bikes, driving on the designated side of the road, building regulations (there are a lot of self-built shanties by the sides of the road or rivers occupied by squatters) to name just a few

o   Procedures set by business owners and the civil service however are nearly always complied with, even when there is clearly a much better way to do it, no body challenges the status quo and so the time wasting and lack of value add continues endlessly.

o   Being an outsider, knowing how to navigate this veritable ocean of complexity requires endless patience, something I am sad to say I have not yet developed.

o   There is almost always a mechanism to get around the rules or procedures, the networks mentioned above can help, but there are also often “fixers” who, for a fee, can get things fast tracked. Whilst I object to this at a fundamental level, sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and jump down off the moral high ground….

·      Filipino shops make extensive use of staples and self adhesive tape to attach receipts to bags once the purchase has been completed. I am sure there is a business opportunity here somewhere.

·      Still with shops, at the grocery most items are over packaged, especially “loose” items such as carrots, lemons etc. that are often wrapped in pairs or sometimes even individually in an endless sheet of cling film (Ceram wrap) which is then secured with, you guessed it, self adhesive tape!

·      Procedures not withstanding, some things can be achieved with remarkable rapidity. After a break in at our house, we decided to get some gates for the front and back doors of the house. With the aid of Kat’s parents we engaged the services of a local workshop to make them up of steel bar section and strip with some decoration. I had an expectation of just the welding taking a week or two, so imagine my surprise when the guys turned up the next day to install the finished gates (which they transported with a welding set on a motor tricycle).

o   This was back in early June, the painting of the gates has not been fully completed, I am doing it and my DIY motivation is sometimes a bit lacking!!

·      It will take 4 months for Kat’s medical licence to be re-issued to take into account her name change after our wedding.

·      My car is now one month old, the registration process has not yet been completed and I am driving on a temporary “Conduction Number” issued by the authorities (why this is not sufficient and they need another number I have no idea). The registration of Kat’s car took 6 months; I hope mine is completed more quickly.

A review of progress after a bit over 6 months here

I am now quite well settled, well enough to review the current state of affairs and maybe comment on some possible opportunities going forward.

Things I love about being here:-

• Kat and her family. They have welcomed me and helped me with the transition. There is still a way to go, but it gets easier day by day.
• The new friends I have made, these are on the whole through Kat and they will never replace those in the UK, but it's good to have a new group to share things with.
• Fresh fruit, year round; yes, pineapples fresh from the plantation and a mango tree in the garden!
• Warm sunny weather most of the time
• Warm tropical beaches, and the associated water sports (I haven't been diving yet, logistical problems, but am planning a trip to Donsol soon where we can swim with whale sharks)
• The proximity to other parts of SE Asia, Singapore is 3.5 hours away, Bangkok a little over 2 and Hong Kong is 2 hours away! I would like to go and see the Hong Kong 7s next year.
• The outlet stores and the malls around here, good shopping and sensible priced food at the restos.
• The low cost of living compared to Europe. 
• 7090 something islands that I have yet to explore here (there are 7107 in total, not all above water all of the time) I have only been to a few so far.
• Getting workmen to do things, providing you have the money and can supervise things can be done really quickly, we had some steel gates made and installed in less than 48 hours
• Shops happily deliver stuff, they may charge a little, but they do deliver, as do McDonald’s which seems all kinds of wrong to me.

Things I miss from Europe and more specifically the UK:-

• TV, and more importantly my Sky+ Box, who knew life would be so hard without many hundreds of channels and a 1TB HDD Personal Video Recorder with series link? I can cope without high def, just about, but this is torture. I also can't get my favourite sports at the moment.
• eBay, yes I know we have eBay.ph but it is not the same. I miss the Canon and PCWorld outlet shops, some great bargains. On the plus side, I haven't bought much in the way of gadgets recently.
• Roundabouts (I never expected to say this) I really don't like most of the junctions here, especially those without traffic lights, roundabouts would make life easier, maybe.....
• Similarly, reflective paint used for lane markings and cat's eyes. I have to comment that Calamba City has installed some road studs, but I haven't seen these at night but that is the only place I have seen them.
• A crisp, cold day in autumn, I love these, a day with clear blue sky, the temperature hovering around 0C so your nose tingles when you inhale.
• My friends, a bit obvious this, and I can chat on Facebook or use Skype and all that, but it's not quite the same.
• The pub, need I say more.
• UK banking, at least the retail variety; I was not aware how sophisticated it had become and how easy it is to pay for stuff. Banks here have a way to go re debit cards, electronic transfer of funds. I suspect there is a strong regulatory influence slowing down this development. 
• The NHS, medical care free at point of use is something I have taken for granted all my life, I see examples of the consequences for patients who have to pay for treatment yet can't afford it almost daily. 

Things that drive me crazy:-

• Filipino politics, part bemuse, part confuse and part worry me in equal measure. Election time is like a madhouse of competing candidates, supporters in t-shirts and very loud Tannoy vans.
• Cyclists, both pedal and motor riding in the dark with no lights and often on the wrong side of the road, do these guys have a death wish?
• Roadworks, see photo right of newly installed stop

  

  If you hit these on a bike it's good night!

  valve housings, some 3cm above the ground.
• Christmas starting in September, although it has been slow build up so far, but we are only in the early stages of November at the moment
• The bureaucracy, and the fact that everyone just accepts it. Stand up for yourselves and maybe it will get changed. I actually wonder what the LTO staff do when they have to renew their licence, or maybe they use a “Fixer” or just ask a work mate to do it????
• The number of people who serve you in a shop, it doesn’t take 4 people to sell me a memory card (see last month’s blog)
• Filipino drivers, but let’s give that one a rest this month.
• Bugs, there are loads of them here and not only insects and the like, also lizards and stuff. Some are way bigger than their European counterparts and many are evil and bite (red ants…..) and yes we do have big ass cockroaches!!
• Fast broadband, 2Mbps, I can get faster on my 3G phone!!
• TV here, Korean and Filipino tele-novelas really are something to behold and not in a good way.
• TV news anchors, over egging the pudding doesn’t come close to how some of them deliver the news, makes me laugh.
• Having to provide food for the workmen, what happened to the lunch box?

The things that oddly I don’t really miss:-

• Many of the typical British staple food items, I have found some of the brands are available here (globalisation for you) or alternatives.
• From above, cooking mixes, either powder or sauces in a jar or can, new recipes have become available to me, and those that I want to cook like at home, get out the cook book and work from scratch; I was surprised how good my chill was the other day!!
• British shops, who needs them, besides we have M&S, Debenhams, Top Shop & Dorothy Perkins etc. here in the malls and a whole lot of other more global brands if you want them.
• Ice and snow, got enough problems with the wind and rain thank you
• Jackets, boots, scarves and gloves; oddly it was a bit chilly last night, must have dropped to a bit less than 20℃ so I had to put on a fleece!!
• The A3, A11, M3, M6, M11 and M25, got enough on my plate with SLEX, C5, EDSA etc.

Things I am looking forward to:-

• Getting my new car, hopefully next week, picture to follow
• Paying the developer for the land to build our new house
• Talking to the architect again and sorting out the plan of work for the house
• Sorting out my residency documentation
• Getting back to some sort of work once I am allowed to
• Watching the house being built and then moving in
• Getting faster broadband (maybe as fast as 6Mbps!!) and satellite TV in the new house
• Visiting Donsol for our first anniversary and hopefully diving or at least swimming with whale sharks
• Last but not least, hope to become a father sometime in the next 12 to 18 months

I am sure there are more, but can't think of them right now......

Now some 6 months in my newly adopted country.....

I love living here in the Philippines the climate is warm, the people are friendly and the service offered to customers at a number of retail establishments would stir long forgotten memories in Western people a generation or two older than myself e.g. 

• not having to pump fuel for the car, this is done for you and it is also possible to have the windscreen cleaned and the tire pressures checked too, all without leaving the comfort of one’s air conditioned vehicle
• in the supermarket the goods you have purchased are packed into a bag or box by an assistant 
• at McDonalds and other fast food outlets, one is not expected to clear away your table once you have finished your meal a helpful attendant will do it for you
• security guards outside retail establishments often act as traffic marshals to enable customers to exit the car park, either crossing traffic or reversing out of a parking space. 

Naturally there is a price for such service, you may have to queue and wait for an attendant and the additional services suggest you should tip the attendant (and justly so too). 
As someone who is fairly self-sufficient and was brought up without it, all this makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but that is the level of service you get here.

There is another much less obvious cost to all of this excellent service, and that is ultimately born by the end customer, employees are expensive and therefore prices are kept higher because of the need to pay for these helpful, but not vital employees. However, it does remove people from the unemployment statistics......

On the flip side of this excellent service there is the bureaucracy for which the Philippines is famous, or should that be infamous. This is not only experienced in the public sector (licences, visas, taxes etc.) but also in the private sector. Now I have to admit that from my former career, I support the need to manage the way things are done, the necessary steps to ensure that the job is completed properly with the desired outcome for both the customer (whoever that may be) and the provider of the goods or service; these are business processes and the instructions on how to accomplish these successfully are procedures. However, I am also keenly aware that over reliance of organisations to rigid processes and procedures can be self-defeating.

I have noticed, and it has been commented upon by others in the media, that in the Philippines there is a tendency for many business processes to be transacted in a serial fashion by a number of different people i.e. much like a production line each person is responsible for one part of the overall process, passing on the customer and any associated paperwork or goods to the next person in line. For example, a few days ago I purchased a memory card for a new phone, this is how the transaction progressed:-

1.         Entered the shop to be met by Assistant #1 who politely enquired whether I needed any help

2.         Informed Assistant #1 of my need for a 32Gb micro SD card

3.         Was referred to Assistant #2, who took note of my needs and confirmed this was what I truly needed.

4.         Assistant #2 directed Assistant #1 to get a suitable card from the locked cabinet

5.         Assistant #1 unlocked the cabinet, showed the card to me and Assistant #2 for confirmation this was acceptable and handed the same to Assistant #3

6.         Assistant #2 requested my contact details, which were loaded to a database, I requested they not contact my cell phone, I was then directed to pay Assistant #4 at the cashier’s desk.

7.         Once I had been furnished with the receipt for payment, I was informed to collect the memory card from Assistant #3, where I was asked to sign both copies of the receipt, one kept by the merchant, one as my copy of the guarantee.

Total time, between 10 and 15 minutes....

Similarly the previous day, I had been to the Bureau of Immigration to extend my visa for a further 6 months, this had required me to present my documentation to 3 different officials, make a payment to another, show the receipt to yet one more and finally obtain my passport and new visa from a further official, and this took around 2 hours to accomplish, which knocks spots off the time to get a driving licence as this took some 9 hours and several more steps.....

Conversely and maybe this just shows how perverse life actually is, I purchased a new cell phone the transaction of which was conducted a short walk from the shop where I bought the memory card, this involved one sales assistant and took less than 5 minutes despite involving a much wider choice of devices.

Another thing that bemuses me, and this took a while for me to realize, partly as I didn’t believe what was taking place; we live close to a major road running north – south from Manila to Southern Luzon. As befits a road built with private money, it is a toll way, necessitating the collection of fees for the use of the road. This is accomplished by human operators handing cards which have a validated (by the use of a swipe machine) magnetic strip on them, the cards being relinquished at the end of the journey when exiting the toll way and a fee being charged according to distance travelled between entry and exit. So far so good, however, each of the cards issued is not only machine readable, but also human readable by the use of a permanent label, so if you enter at Santa Rosa the card has StR on it, or Soutwoods SWD etc. which makes the magnetic stripe redundant, after all one of the identifiers is not adding any real value. But the real kicker is that at the end of the day or whenever, all the cards need to be sorted and returned to their place of origin, no what lunatic dreamt that system up????

It should be possible for many of the processes involved in the purchase of a memory card, issuance of an extended visa or even a driving licence to be carried out by a vastly reduced number of people; now I am not suggesting there is a direct equivalence in the gravity of a driving licence or visa extension to a memory card, but from a process perspective there is little difference. I am not sufficiently arrogant to think I know the solution to this and even if I was, the inertia of whole societies would mean that I am likely to have little effect on overall efficiency, however I will try, where I can, to challenge the status quo and maybe to influence some changes; after all, just because it has been done this way for many years, this doesn’t make it the right or best way, time for some process analysis??

Meanwhile, our wedding photos and the video have been delivered from Purple Duck Photography, and a fantastic job they have done. You can see the video on YouTube http://youtu.be/eiscnQQ15mU.

For those of you missing my regular tirades about driving styles, I have been trying to work out a number of rules that should be followed, I was trying to limit this to 10, but couldn’t, every time I had managed this, something would happen that made me add one or two more, or to add sub-clauses and thereby making the simple set of rules like some sort of user manual full of don’t do, must do and if you do this you are an idiot type comments. I would love this to be taken up by Top Gear Philippines, but doubt if it will:-

Gary’s top ten eleven rules for Pinoy Drivers

1. Regardless of what your mother told you (or is still telling you), you are not now, nor have you ever been, the most important person on the planet, or for that matter the road. A little humility is a good thing, be courteous to other road users; give way occasionally and don’t just pull out into traffic, use your mirrors and observation to identify a suitable gap in the flow of traffic before moving off.
2. Maintain your vehicle regularly, i.e. check lights, horn, wipers, tires, brakes and all associated fluids and pressures at least monthly. If any one of these is found to be defective, please remedy this as soon as possible.
3. Flashing your high beams at me does not allow you to assume the right of way and to cut across in front of me, and is at best a gamble, as I may not have seen you. If my lane or road has priority then it is my right of way to relinquish, not yours to take; if in doubt refer to rule 1.
4. It is not a race, you don’t have to get there first, be aware of other road users; there is no need to cut in front or make a suicide lunge across several lanes just to be in front; remember the tale of the tortoise and the hare!! If in doubt refer to rule 1.
5. Indicators or flashers are designed and affixed to vehicles to be used to signal your intentions, please use them for this. However these become useless if not cancelled once the manoeuvre is completed.
6. Hazard flashers do not provide carte blanche to drive contrary to good sense and order for example driving against traffic (counterflowing) or to carry out any other dangerous manoeuvres just because you want to. Also they are useless when used at speed and especially in the rain as they cause more confusion than any possible benefit gained from having flashing lights on a vehicle. Rule 1 is especially applicable in the case of hazard flashers!!
7. This also applies to drivers of barnagay rescue vehicles, police cars, toll way operator pickups, ambulances and other emergency vehicles, please only turn on your red and blue strobe lights when it is a real emergency (being late for your dinner does not count), by convention other road users should then give priority to you, but if you insist on switching them on just because you have them or you want people to see your beautiful bright and colourful lights, the affect is lost and they don’t give you priority when you actually need it.
8. Driving without lights is foolish and extremely dangerous to yourself and other road users; the electricity used does not come from the battery, it is provided almost free by the alternator or dynamo as part of the general operation of the vehicle, make use of it and stay safe. Also whilst having front lights on is good, having the rear ones on too helps a lotAligned to this, can any lights fitted to the vehicle please conform to accepted norms, i.e. don’t use blue for brake lights, it’s confusing and especially don’t use red for front lights that is downright scary!
9. Contrary to popular belief, motorcycle riders (and tricycle drivers) also have a right to use the road, despite buzzing around the place like a swarm of angry bees. Be courteous to them and also give them room when pulling away or changing lanes. Please refer to rule 1 for clarification.
10. Plan ahead and get into the correct lane when turning or leaving the highway, we all know that jeepney and tricycle drivers tend to pull over at the drop of a hat and then block the inside lane, but turning right from the left most lane is poor form, delays other road users and can be dangerous; the same applies to left turns. If in doubt refer to rule 1.On the subject of lane discipline, numbering from the right side, you should endeavour to travel in the lowest numbered lane unless moving faster than traffic to your right. What this means in practice is that there should be no need to “undertake” as slow moving vehicles should move to the right side. If you find vehicles passing you on the right hand side, you are in the wrong lane!!
11. Leave a gap between yourself and the vehicle in front, this applies equally when driving normally, when there should be a 2 second gap to the car in front and to queuing traffic, don’t tailgate, it’s not clever, this applies especially to “Killer Buses”, “Psycho Trucks” and “Bullying SUVs”

Having been here for a few months now, we have been invited to a number of purely social and some work related events, well actually mostly Kat has been invited, I am her +1 where I have been invited. I have a number of observations about such happenings, none of which cause me particular difficulties and in no specific order these are:-

•  Filipinos are notoriously casual about arrival times for events, if the invitation says 6pm, you can guarantee that no body except a rank amateur like myself will arrive before 7pm and most even after that, this is for all events, social or work related.
• Of course there are others, where promptness is expected, I haven’t quite worked out how to tell these apart yet.
• Formal invitations to events are not sent out until around a month beforehand, including weddings, christenings, birthday parties etc. This is regardless of where in the country the event is taking place and the need to book flights and or hotels to get there: the upside of this is that you are able to wiggle out of things and not cause offence, you can also get double booked too.
• All gatherings of friends, colleagues and family include food, often lots of food, no matter what the occasion, there will be something to eat and drink, and this is great and saves the need to cook if you are lucky enough to be invited and can also play havoc on your diet.
• Sometimes the food is not served quite how the chef would imagine it, I have had a cold cooked dinner on more than one occasion, once at a sit down function….
• In the Philippines it is wise to pace oneself, especially if alcohol is involved, even better follow the example of one’s host and graze on the variety of foodstuffs that have been made available. If the event is held at a commercial establishment, fresh nibbles will be brought out throughout the duration, including such delights as pork sisig, crablets (really, small crabs eaten whole), chicken or pork isaw, lumpia and my favourite, crispy pata.
• Filipinos love microphones, even small meetings held in a room no more than 5m x 5m require the use of a microphone to amplify the speaker’s voice, sadly despite common usage, many don’t know how to use one to maximum effect leading to garbled over-amplified speech and gallons of feedback.
• If microphones are loved, overhead projectors / beamers are absolutely worshipped, if it can be put on a PowerPoint slide, then all the better. I am afraid that some fall into the same old trap that I used to and proceeds to read aloud every word on the slide; bullet points please!!
• Beware the microphone, once the formal stuff is done the microphone / beamer combination can be utilised for the next great love of the Filipino, the devil’s invention Karaoke or it’s bastard younger sibling, Videoke. This latter is a baffling mix of the standard and well known karaoke and some totally unrelated, often cartoon or animated video. Then proceeds a number of singers of varying levels of sobriety and ability (I think there is an inverse proportional relationship between the two) caterwauling contemporary and classic songs. The video loop is repeated endlessly, meaning for the tyro participant like myself, you see the same thing again for a totally different song, which is quite disconcerting.
  I have to confess to having fallen victim to the alcohol/singing thing on a number of occasions, my last involving some old Tom Jones numbers to my eternal shame…..
• It is a hot country, I have not known it drop below 20°C since my arrival, however the dress code to some events is a little surprising, with t-shirts and jeans or shorts being common apparel to both weddings and funerals.
• I attended a christening some months ago, where Kat was to be one of the God Parents (one of 5 of each gender it turned out). My expectation was to attend the church, witness some prayers and hymns and the christening / blessing and then to head off for some refreshments. What I was not prepared for was the production line that formed part way through the service, it transpired that it is normal for many families to participate, on this occasion there were 24 children being christened. This took forever and the church was really hot, I was in danger of passing out through the heat. Next time I will take some water or something.

There is one large social event for which the Filipino nation can never be accused of being late for, Christmas. As I write this the date is early September and the “ ‘ber” months have started, which means that it is the season to be jolly, all the way until the end of the year. Although I have not experienced much of it yet this year, I have already seen decorations going up and seasonal songs are apparently being played in the shopping centres. Kat wants to find a tree and decorate it already, how am I going to survive 4 months of this????

One last thing, I still cannot for the life of me fathom what the fascination is that Filipinos have with spoons. To explain for those of the readers not familiar with this phenomenon, in preference, to what I would expect, a Filipino table is set with a spoon and fork to be used as the cutlery for the main course. Only on rare occasions or if requested, will a knife be provided. Now many of the large restaurants will provide the more conventional set up (at least from my western upbringing). Bizarrely, despite not having a cutting edge those familiar and practised in the use of a spoon manage really well with most foods and the spoon works well for many of the classic Filipino dishes many of which utilise a cooking sauce (often spicy or sour) which is served with the meal and the rice, the meat having been cooked to the point of delicious softness and merely falls apart at the wave of the spoon; maybe not so odd after all?

For anyone missing my usual ranting about driving, normal service will be resumed soon, I am working on a top ten rules... probably going to be nearer top twenty or thirty!!

August update from newly arrived expat in the Philippines

So, here I am, sitting in the stifling heat of the Philippines, it is supposed to be “winter” aka the rainy season and I was expecting the temperature to have moderated somewhat, however it feels even warmer and more humid than before. Anyway, that’s my moan for the month, I have chosen to focus on the good and fun bits of living here rather than whinge on about piss poor driving etc. for a change.

I have been here for around 4 months now, and in that time I have been able to experience only a fraction of the delights available to someone as fortunate as myself with the ability and the financial backup to be able to travel around the archipelago of over 7000 islands, there is definitely a lot more to be seen and done over the next few years, I am looking forward to sharing with Kat and any kids we might have.

I have to confess that I have one major failing, that is getting confused about the price of some items, the main reason for this is that I habitually back calculate the cost locally into Sterling and then think about how relatively cheap, or in some cases expensive the item is.  I am not, however taking into account the difference in the overall standard and cost of basic living between the two nations: for example cars, mobile phones and many electrical goods are around the same price here and in the UK, which sounds great until you factor in the fact that average wages are different by a factor of at least 5 or more, meaning that the same item is significantly more expensive in the Philippines regardless of the actual price. Conversely flat panel TVs are not only more expensive here in real terms, but are also unlikely to be the latest model available in Europe or the US. This may be down to the economics of supply and demand which keep prices high.

That being said, I am still excited when I get something I consider to be a bargain for example Kat and I travelled back over to Tagatay the other week to celebrate her sister’s birthday, on the way home we purchased some pineapples, granted they weren’t the largest fruits I had ever seen, but they were something like PHP30 each, that is less than 50p back in the UK, for a fresh, locally grown tropical fruit!! Yeah, I know it shouldn’t surprise me, but it does and delights me too. And what was even better was that they were so tasty and juicy.

Over the months here, I have observed some ways of life and behaviors that interest me, some of which are described below:-

1. Cyclists and motor cyclists often ride with their jackets on back to front, I was perplexed by this for a while until I realised that it allowed them to avoid cold air and or rain penetrating through the zip, whilst allowing cool air to flow around their back, absolute genius when you think about it!
2. Pillion passengers can be seen holding open umbrellas, sometimes of awe inspiring proportions more suited to a pub garden than the back of a motor bike. These are used to either shelter from the unforgiving sun beating down, or to keep the biblical rain off, either way one strong gust of wind and it could end in tears.
3. In common with much of Asia, the motor bike is a staple mode of transport, the Guinness Book of Records would be impressed at the number of people that can fit on a 125cc Honda (or Suzuki, Yamaha etc.) even without the use of sidecars or extended seats and if you don’t believe me about the extra seats, check out habal-habal here.
4. From 3 above, you often see families on a motor bike, as the family grows there is more likelihood of a sidecar being added, but often smaller families will have Dad at the front, Mom at the back and the kids between, fortunately child size crash helmets are available (although not every child wears one). 
5. On hot days you often see men walking around with their t-shirts rolled up, exposing their abdomen, this I have found is an excellent way of keeping cool, but is not a good look on a pale, short, bald westerner with a beer belly....
6. This is one of the few places where you can still have your car refueled without leaving the driver’s seat, the pump attendants will even clean the windscreen and check the air in your tyres if you ask them to (some even offer without any prompting).
7. I was fascinated by people walking around drinking various soft drinks from a small plastic bag with a straw, again it took me some time to work out what was going on; it transpires that many of the small stores or Sari Sari shops sell soft drinks by the bottle, and if glass there is often a deposit on the bottle (much like there used to be back in the 60s and 70s in the UK) to ensure they don’t loose the deposit, rather than allowing the customer to take the bottle away, the contents are transferred to a bag and the bottle retained. This of course relies upon the integrity of the plastic bags, I am not sure I would trust those available in the UK with a drink or anything remotely liquid.
8. Security guards in most stores are fully tooled up, and by that I mean armed with 0.38, 0.45, 9mm pistols or 12 gauge shotguns; now I can understand this for banks and large shopping centres, but a book shop really?
9. The guards, however, perform what I would consider well beyond their main job function, directing traffic outside to the extent of assisting customers reverse out into traffic when leaving the establishment, which can be very helpful, picking up litter, collecting food trays in some food outlets and generally helping out.
10. On the subject of security guards, we were following an armoured truck as it exited the tollway a few weeks back, something like the one pictured here,
    
    this was plastered with the usual warning stickers, including “Driver has limited vision” and “No hand signals” so imagine my surprise when rather than using the pre-paid electronic tag lane, the driver pulled up to a manned toll booth and opened his door to lean out and pay the toll fee, now come on guys that can’t be right???

In the meantime, Kat and I are getting used to living together, we haven’t had any major upsets yet, although I guess I have skated a bit close to thin ice on a couple of occasions. 

• Kat has a paranoid fear of me going “commando” to such an extent that she has informed me that the thought of it makes her feel unwell, so you can only imagine the reception I got when she discovered that I had, indeed, been out with her one evening ‘sans culottes’ as it were; I of course was highly amused by her reaction and have teased her about doing it again, but this is being met with considerable resistance and I am being asked to promise not to do it again (I have to confess, it wasn’t that comfortable, so I probably wont anyway).
• Kat also has a phobia about dirty feet, not smelly feet (although she probably has that too) just feet with dirt on them. Now living here, I along with most of the population, tend to walk around all day in open shoes of some sort or another, flip-flops, sandals or similar. This means that my feet will collect some dust as I go around. Also our in common with many other bathrooms is what I would refer to as a wet room, i.e. it has a tiled floor with a drain and as such the floor is often damp, when I walk on the floor any dirt is washed off and shows up as a muddy footprint; Kat then insists that I have dirty feet and they need washing, something she is only too happy to help me with if she can tickle my feet at the same time.
• I have introduced Kat to a number of things based on my own experiences, these include proper roast potatoes, roast carrots and the like, which I can manage. Sadly I have also introduced her to other things, Jelly Belly jelly beans are the latest and she loves them, to such an extent that she sneaked some when she went downstairs the other night, but I caught her as I could taste them on her lips when she kissed me goodnight, when I hid the ones we had left after this, she went and bought some more from the kiosk in the mall. 
• It seems that Filipinos are dependent on regular consumption of rice, or at least Kat is. I am in charge of the cooking for the large part and therefore decide the menu from the food we have available at home, or go and shop for stuff. Recently we started on a diet which requires intermittent fasting, or at least drastically reduced calories on two days per week. Leading up to the two days, I had cooked chilli con carné served with a baked potato for dinner, we had the day of fasting where we mostly ate salad and lean ham for lunch and fish with stir fry for dinner. When I proposed a third day without rice there was almost a riot! Kat settled for bacon and fried bread for breakfast, but we had rice for lunch!!

Normal service will be resumed on the next post, where I am bound to have something to gripe about. In the meantime, I am looking forward to a possible long weekend away with Kat to relax, and maybe get some time on the beach or even diving done.

July update, after 3 months

It has been 3 months since my arrival here in the Philippines and according to psychologists, I should be in the third phase of my cultural adjustment or at least at the end of phase 2 (these are 1. Shock of the new, 2. Comparison to “home” and the things I am missing, 3. Acceptance of the new (adjusting to the status quo).

I guess this is true, as I am making fewer statements such as “back in the UK” or “in Europe we do it this way” with the exception of a few of those things that are still getting under my skin. It will be no surprise to anyone reading this that these things are:-

• Driving skills and attitudes, or the apparent lack of them, and yes, I admit that I hit a post whilst negotiating a car park a few weeks ago, damaging Kat’s car, but that is fixed now; I have no excuse for the incident, totally my fault. That being the case, the sheer insanity of some people and their total disregard for their own and the safety of others beggars belief sometimes.
• Bureaucracy, who knew it could be so hard to transact a simple application? To get my residency visa, I need to travel to Manila (Intramuros to be specific) to the Bureau of Immigration Head Office, the documentation cannot be submitted to the local office. Now this is relatively fine as we live about and hour of so from Manila and can make a trip out of it and will likely travel the day before and stay over in an hotel nearby, but what if you live further away???
• Queuing, or the total lack of it here, “Dude, I got here first and therefore should be served before you, get in line and wait your turn!!”

Kat says I am just grumpy or “masungit“ whenever I complain about things like this, but I know she feels annoyance too, but is more inured to it after living with such things all of her life. On the balance of things, I am thoroughly enjoying my life here, even not having a job at the moment is not a major concern as I am occupied enough with driving Kat around and some domestic chores, I admit I would like something a little more intellectually stimulating, but that may come in time and process improvement / management consulting may be the way to go.

I have developed a new concern, food, specifically fast food, or maybe not even that fast food in proper restaurants (‘restos’) something that I am frequently guilty of myself, because of the sheer convenience of it. There is a plethora of good, locally grown or caught food here in the Philippines, this includes many varieties of fish, rice, pineapple, tomatoes, banana, pork and chicken to name but a few. I arrived here anticipating to be able to avail myself of all this good, wholesome local produce and to share this with my wife so that we would both have a healthy diet and improve our levels of fitness and maybe even loose some weight. The progress so far:-

• I have lost approximately 7 to 8 kg since my arrival, probably due to a significant reduction in my consumption of beer. Kat is not convinced about this as she thinks a can or two in the evening and a bucket of beer (not as bad as it sounds, 6 bottles in a bucket of ice) on a Friday evening is a lot of beer, even after asking my friends when they visited about how much we used to get through back in the UK (around 18 to 20 imperial pints of beer each per week and that could be nearer 24 or 28 if there was a good party or sports event on the TV in the pub) that is a minimum of 10 to 12 litres, I can’t calculate US pints or gallons as I don’t have the conversion numbers, but it is a lot. I am now drinking maybe 3 litres per week and that includes going out on Friday night to the local sports bar for a couple of hours, if not then we are down to less than 2.
• We eat out, lunch, normally 3 or 4 times per week; this is mainly due to time constraints between clinics and hospital rounds, so we go to either the local mall or one of the other shopping areas near by. Dinner is mostly self cooked at home, a mix of Filipino or European food, cooked by either one of us.

• When we eat out, we often have either Filipino or American style food, this includes pork, chicken, steak and fish, however
• A lot of it has a fried element to it, especially things like crispy pata, sissig, and nearly all her favourite chicken dishes (see below)
• Kat loves crispy skin on chicken (so do I) so we often end up eating this, the idea of removing it, or not cooking chicken crispy is an anathema to her, the mere suggestion of boiled or steamed skinless chicken portions makes her feel ill.....
• Some of the fried food here is double fried to make it extra crispy (e.g. the pata), I have no idea what they fry it in, but sometimes it is a little greasy and even coconut oil can’t be all good. I have to confess that the best chunky chips (aka fries) are par-boiled in water, dried then deep fried at least twice to get the crispy outside, deep golden colour and the soft inside, but we don’t have a deep fat frier, so we are not eating proper chips at the moment.

• Kat is not, at the moment, encouraging me to eat street food, I think this is to avoid me eating weird things that I am not used to or may not like and there are some Filipino delicacies that I am going to avoid like the plague, e.g. Balut (Google it to find out what it is), but again a lot of this is fried too.
• We are eating way too much rice, breakfast is often rice from the night before, fried with some onion and garlic, lunch depends on where we are, dinner is often fresh white rice (thank whoever invented the rice cooker, much easier to use than a saucepan) but Kat and I probably get through on average at least one cup of uncooked rice each per day.....
• I have persuaded Kat to eat oat meal, cooked with warm milk and served with sugar or honey, this was quite a challenge as previously she had refused to eat it, but when prepared the “Gary way” she relented and has actually requested it. She is also now able to truthfully tell the parents of her patients that not only is it good for them (low GI) but also she eats it herself.
• When we don’t eat rice, we eat potato, often chips (or French fries) unless I cook them roasted or mashed, either way loads of starch.
• On the subject of potatoes, there is a lack of understanding about this wonder vegetable here, there is no availability of the many separate varieties (Maris Piper, King Edwards etc.) and the storage conditions are often sub optimal as the shops display them in daylight, which encourages them to turn a little green, which is not good. I would love to be able to select a good flourery potato like a King Edward to make mash or a slightly firmer one for chips, maybe once I have my own garden I will grow my own.
• We are not eating enough vegetables or fruit, I rarely get my 5 a day and that is with all that is available here (the orange juice is imported from Florida.....) bananas here are a little too sweet for my taste. Kat loves my roasted carrots, but we are back to things cooked using oil or other fats.
• Whilst Kat bought us a turbo-broiler, we don’t have what I would refer to as a proper oven, so we can’t cook some meals that I would like to try, don’t get me wrong, it is a wonderful device.
• It is a hot climate, so we consume vast quantities of soft drinks such as Coke Zero, Mountain Dew, 7UP and the like, these are mostly manufactured locally you will be pleased to hear at the Coca-Cola plant in Santa Rosa 2km down the road from our house (Pepsi has a plant nearby too!) we should be drinking more water.....
• I am still suffering from the affects of gout, something which some members of my family also suffer, I am not sure what the trigger is as it seems to have become worse since getting here, Kat tells me it is the beer, but really???? 
• We are often forced to use UHT milk as for some bizarre reason the local supermarket cannot keep their fresh milk cold enough in the display cabinet; the other week it was at close to room temperature when we checked which even in an air conditioned room is way too hot.
  I bought some from another shop where it seemed cooler, it lasted two days once we got it home and to be honest it wasn’t that good on day 1, the shelf life was for a further 4 days.
• A lot of Filipino food, whilst tasty is slow cooked in a mixture of soy sauce (or fish sauce) and other flavourings, many of which are highly salted and therefore can affect blood pressure. A lot of dishes also contain vinegar which lowers the pH of one’s blood (encouraging uric acid retention, see above ref the gout).
• There are far too many donut shops out there!!

On a separate note, I support the intention behind the various local ordnances which prohibit the use of plastic bags by shops to wrap items with the exception of those that are wet such as meat and fish. I quite like the alternatives to plastic that have been developed including the re-use of boxes and cartons originally used to contain the products or the use of paper sacks. But why oh why do so many of the supermarkets then insist on wrapping some vegetables in metres and metres of cling-film or ceran wrap such as carrots or tomatoes? They don’t need it.  I bought some frozen salmon the other day, it was wrapped in cling-film, placed in a plastic tray which was then over wrapped in film and then wrapped again in a third layer of film, surely one or two of these layers could have been omitted. Please provide the shoppers with bags, paper or plastic to select their own and reduce the wasteful use of a non-biodegradable material, it should be possible to recognise and weigh the produce at the check out.

• Update on the gout thing, I have been prescribed colchicine as a remedy for the latest attack, this has some unpleasant side effects which I am not going to discuss here, some of my readers will be aware of these, others are free to make use of Google to find out if they are so inclined, suffice it to say, this drug is not made available in the UK.....
  In addition to taking what amounts to a mild toxin (but honestly, what drugs aren’t) I have chosen to cut out the following from my diet until I am recovered

• Coke and other soft drinks
• Iced tea (not sure why I chose this, but it is something I have a lot of here but not in the UK).
• Oatmeal (no more porridge for me, but Kat can still have this for breakfast)
• Beans of most kinds (including bean sprouts)
• Green vegetables of the brassica family (broccoli, brussels sprouts etc.)
• Beer and other items with significant yeast content, including white bread
• Reduction in the quantity of red meat, so more chicken and fish, but not tuna so less sashimi and sushi.

I shall monitor the situation and re-introduce things one at a time to see which is the cause of my discomfort, I am fervently hoping that it is not the beer......

A day at the LTO, three letters to strike fear into the heart of the most stalwart Filipino.

Since I arrived in the Philippines a couple of months ago, I have been relying on the treaty agreement that enables me to drive making use of my own British licence, an International licence I procured before leaving the UK and my passport. As you can imagine, carrying all of these documents at all times is a nuisance (and I have on occasion forgotten them, which is a no-no here) especially my passport. Kat suggested that we should apply for my own Filipino driving licence; the process of which I had heard anecdotally was fraught with frustration and a long time waiting.

It is probably fair to say that there are few things in life which really get Filipinos complaining and it seems the LTO (Land Transportation Office) is not only one of these, but is quite near the top. Kat had decided that we should seek some assistance in the application as being a foreigner the process was not quite the same as for a Filipino; these steps were as follows (with some commentary from me on how it all went):-

• ·      We arrived at the LTO facility around 8am after I drove through the rush hour traffic; we found somewhere to park the car we met up with our guide for the day at his office adjacent to the LTO facility a few km from our home. Louie took us through the process verbally explaining each in turn, in Tagalog as his English was not up to it, so Kat translated for me.
• ·      Provide two copies of my original full UK licence (which I have held since 1978), passport (including visa pages), Alien Registration Card and International Driving Licence and have these verified as original copies by one of the LTO Admin Officers. We had already made the copies elsewhere, which seems to be common practice, the LTO could charge for making copies which they know are genuine……
• ·      Complete the application form for the issuance of a Filipino licence based on holding a foreign licence.
• ·      Proceed for a drug test and medical across the road, this involved the first of several forms to be completed on in triplicate, no carbon paper or NCR paper allowed, so complete each one by hand. After which you had to queue up to pay the cashier for the medical and drug tests, it was like being at the deli counter…..
• o   The medical was simple, turns out I am a lot shorter than I thought (or so my new licence says) at 1.65m against 1.7 but what is 2 inches between friends?? I have also lost around 5 or 6kg in weight since arriving here, must be the lack of beer. The eye test was to read a chart, if you could meet the stated minimum with glasses on then no problems, so an all clear on that one, a photo was then taken for the record.
• o   The drug test was straightforward, pee in a bottle, hand it in for analysis for THC and methamphetamine, a negative result on both (a pass) and another photo and all 10 of my fingerprints were taken.
• ·      After this we returned to the LTO facility to continue the process, which involved
• Waiting for a photo to be taken and an electronic signature at Window 3
• Wait some more for another photo and electronic signature to be taken at Window 2.
• At this point Louie noticed I was wearing flip-flops (or slippers) which are not welcome up in the test room, so Kat volunteered to go and buy me a pair of shoes
• Pay a small fee at Window 9, Kat also brought the shoes over, one was a bit tight, but would suffice
• Collect receipt to confirm payment from Window 5
• Take receipt to Window 1 to book in for the road rules review and the written test. We had some time before the review and test, so went to get lunch.
• ·      After lunch I, with a number of others were taken to the examination room where we were shown a number of animated informational films, all in Tagalog regarding the rules of the road and road signs used in the Philippines, fortunately the rules are fairly universal as are the road signs, I did learn something about right of way at junctions with no traffic lights which was handy.
• ·      Subsequent to the informational films, we took a 40 question multiple-choice exam, mine was provided in English, I was confident from my existing knowledge of 38 of the answers with only 2 causing me any problems.
• ·      The exam was signed off as having been completed by me in the exam room by the invigilator and I was told to report downstairs for the practical test. I have to add, at this point that Louie was surprised this was taking place as most foreigners with an existing licence are not required to undergo this, however because us Brits drive on the correct side of the road, unlike most of the rest of the world, an exception is made for us and we are required to demonstrate that we can indeed drive a left hand drive vehicle.
• ·      Pay for the practical test, even though we were using Kat’s car (I think she had made some other payments for the licence whilst I was taking the test at any one or more of the windows!!)
• ·      The practical test, which took place on a track about the size of our 3-bedroom house, was odd to put it mildly. You start at a line, drive about 2m then up a slope, down the other side to a junction with a stop sign, stop, indicate left then execute the turn. Drive along the top of the square, turn left again, negotiate a pedestrian crossing then cross the finish line. I think we managed it without leaving 1^st gear, or maybe got into 2^nd on the back straight!!!
• ·      That was it, job done, just wait some more for the licence, from Window 5. This was completed and we were able to walk away with my nice shiny new licence just after 3:10pm a total of around 7 hours, the majority of which was spent just sitting around and waiting.

Now I appreciate the need to regulate who has a licence to operate a motor vehicle and I will comment again on my thoughts with regard to the overall quality of drivers here, which is generally appalling, or at least road behaviour is and the flouting of even the most basic road rules let alone vehicular safety with special note to be made of :-

• working lights or more importantly the lack of them, both front and back
• overtaking on bends
• undertaking
• driving on the shoulder to undertake
• a total lack of lane discipline
• no or inappropriate use of indicators
• a total disregard of speed limits
• killer buses
• homicidal trucks
• suicidal motor cyclists
• bullying Foretuner and Monterey Sport drivers

Back in the UK, and some of this may have changed slightly since I last had anything to do with it, the process to get a licence is:-

• ·      Obtain application form online or from the Post Office.
• ·      Complete the form and have one of two photographs validated by a non-family member of standing in the community (this includes doctors, lawyers, company directors and bizarrely holders of licence to server intoxicating liquor i.e. pub landlords).
• ·      Post to form and appropriate payment to the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency in Wales (DVLA).
• ·      Receive provisional (student) licence.
• ·      Undergo training on the highway until sufficiently proficient to drive and are considered ready for the test
• ·      Apply for test(s)
• ·      Undergo written test, which is computer based and involves knowledge of road rules, hazard identification and understanding of basic vehicle care.
• ·      Undergo practical test, which takes place on the public highway and requires a number of manoeuvres to be successfully executed.
• ·      Once both tests have been successfully completed, follow the same procedure as for the student licence, but include pass certificates and complete form for a full licence.
• ·      Receive full driving licence in the post……………..

By the way, apparently registering a vehicle is just as much fun as the driver licensing process and can take the same amount of time, this is something I am not looking forward to, I hope the dealership can manage this process for me when I buy my car in a few months.